just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
What can i say im a girl who smells like weiners.
just walked into the room and her sister said loudly, "do him, or I will."
yeah but it's new years. they should arrest people for being sober that day.
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper.
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
I'm getting to the point of going up to a guy and saying "Hi I'm maggie and i can put my foot behind my head"... That desperate.
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
Locals got pissed I was talking to the barmaid. Tried to tell me that they keep all the good beer at "a Soho walkup" Google saved me
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
I wrote a pretty good eulogy, too. Motherfucker pastor had no sense of comedic timing.
Update: He still has devil magic genitals.
Most people that see those numbers aren't going to realize what they mean and those that do will think 'oh those must be her favorite hockey players' and not 'oh she wants to see those hockey players fuck each other'.
Randomize
