I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
FYI: Do not ever call any girl a thundercunt as a form of dirty talk.
Somehow she slept thru the vacuuming, people walking in and out, and the sound of constant beer bottles hitting the trash, but when someone said weed in a regular volume of voice she startled awake.
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
I think it's awesome that you're getting shower sex advice from a Mormon.
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
APPARENTLY I MISSED SOMEONE SWALLOWING A WHOLE BAG OF METH WHILE I WAS ON BREAK.
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