..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
Almost bit the guy's hand who sits in front of me because he was stretching. That. Bored.
I'm not going to pass up the opportunity to be half naked and covered in glitter without facing judgement or legal prosecution. I'll be there.
I am an advanced cybernetic robot sent back in time to 2013 to fuck my wife senseless for hours on end. Have you seen this wife?
Eddy, if you don't want to roll play then say so. This is just obnoxious
I have so many plans for this weekend and sobriety is not invited.
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
Come on, what straight woman, gay man, or bi person HASN'T scrolled through Justin Trudeau pictures after a bad day?
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
Apparently the guy with the moaning gf that lives above us is in my DES class... AWKWARD
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
The last time we went to a costume party, you walked around in a loincloth with a cross and said you were Jesus. I'm eager to see how much more offensive you can be.
Randomize
