yo my bday is less then one week away. hope youve found another annoying candian i can lick dairy products off of. also sorry about your loss
We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
we just made rock paper scissors into a drinking game
i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
Europe's "the final countdown" was playing. It was pretty much amnesty for anything that might happen the rest of the night. It's a rule.
The yoga party turned into an underwear party because we are all incompetent when it comes to tying bed sheets.
This has been a Party Success Story
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
what i'd really like is a nice helping of naked boyfriend with a side of naked boyfriend.
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
You have better ratings than Crest. Only 4/5 dentists recommend it. You have 8/9 recommendation for your blowjob skills.
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
Randomize
