You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
Totally just asked Dad if I needed to show the real estate guy my tits so he would let us buy the house. I've really got to work on that filtering thing.
Just found pics of us from Mardi Gras last year. Your boob job really is better than mine.
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
At the same time that I bought plan b I got some Girl Scout cookies too. It's not a total loss for you.
Do you think I shall pursue this journey to the center if the dick?
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
He's very cute and has a totally sit-able face.
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
Probably some sort of karmic revenge for me looking at titties somewhere along the way
and for that you shall suffer
God: I won't strike you down, but I shall introduce your child to Doja Cat during a quarantine
Randomize