So his roomate was eating breakfast when I was sneaking out. He's the guy I took home from jessicas wedding. I ended up eating coco puffs with him
Just another sign I need to get out of this town
if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
Guys are so much hotter at OU. Come my mating season, I am flying south like the geese in the wintertime.
This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
you blew your rape whistle in his face every time he got near a girl till he left the party...
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
Hahaha wear something that says i'm here to party but wont go farther then a handjob.
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
Thanks for coming out I think haley is drunk enough for breast milk White Russians
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
I'm smoking and watching the Muppets Treasure Island. Where are you?
Something about that statement reminds me just how much of a role model you are, sis.
Randomize
