p.s. this guy just tipped me with ecstasy pills. is this real life
i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
The Lord gave Farrah Fawcett 1 wish when she died. She wished that all children in the world would be safe! The Lord granted her wish and killed Michael Jackson.
You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
I think theres a high possibility i could be flammable.
Honest opinion...too aggressive to bring the funnel out to the bar? Also just so you know im at the bar. with the funnel.
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
My neck is sore from all the headbanging. And I can't tell the difference between the jello stains and cum stains.
I’ve cut back on drinking and now my body can’t fight off all the bad germs without the alcohol. That’s why I keep getting sick
Randomize
