Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
16 and pregnant actually makes me really happy that i'm gay
He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
no. i just ate a whole thing of hot dogs. me and regret are sleepng alone tonigh.
It was some time between the gurgles of her blowing me to us throwing up in the same bucket afterwards that I realized we would be doing this a lot.
But for future reference, it might help your game if you don't tell the girl you're trying to get on your dick that she's "not the worst thing you've ever seen"
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
I woke up and they were watching power rangers in japanese so I just found my bra and left
You guys wanna start around 10:30 tomorrow?
We can start at 5am for all I care. You ask like I have plans.
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
I'll talk to you in a minute. Gotta put my peacocks away
Soooo you're telling me you support us groom's men giving lap dances to willing patrons?
Randomize
