oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
Ever since he's come out, my facebook stalking experience has gotten uncomfortable
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
first reaction to dying the pubes purple - awesome. Reaction after I explain the process - not awesome. Hypothesis? when girls find out you know to bleach and dye your hair, they're turned off.
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
Reason # 294827284949272 i could never be a cop. I would just shoot. All the time. Ppl. Animals. Inanimate objects. Air.
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
I appreciate your acceptance of my lack of morals
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
Randomize
