ive been sending my husband naked pics of my whole body from my phone..its a work phone. do you think our boss can see? if so, im either getting fired, or a raise.
My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
I mean we had sex in a crib. You tell me how my night was.
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
I was high and he had on a gorilla suit. Of course I had to take a picture with him
Your a disgrace to smokers everywhere
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... Men can be so sensitive...
Who's the easier target... Bandages on the knees, tramp stamp, or bra showing? Not in the mood to work for it tonight.
Just saw a government minister puke and rally.
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
Have you ever gotten such awesome underwear you wish you didnt have to wear pants?
I’m 37 with a career and a home and yesterday my niece set up Snapchat so I can sext with my 22 year old boyfriend/fuck buddy. Yes. Yes I’d say I need help?
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