I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
I cannot even. Taco bell reception. Beers. New friends from Georgia.
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
Definitely! I will do that this week. Right now, watching drag queens play with my dad's beard.
Really I don't care what we're doing or watching. Your penis spends way too much time outside of my body.
You wanna know what I want to eat? Questionable Mexican food before I go drink. Makes for excitement. Will I puke it up or shit my pants
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
Randomize
