I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
Gentlemen...shes not going to tie her self to the table...
Martha Stewart would most definitely roll a great joint.
dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.
Thanks for not cleaning the drain like you were supposed to. I just vomited in the shower and I had to stand in it until I was done conditioning.
I've come to the conclusion that the dicks in Arizona just don't have enough size for me.
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
I mean metaphorically speaking, maybe we've all fucked on top of a frat house at some point in our lives
For a guy who won't fuck me, your dick is out a lot when we talk.
He did a backflip because drugs
is it still the walk of shame if his dad gave me a 'thanks for sleeping with my son' head nod on my way out this morning?
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