actually, I'm a sock model
Umm I'm too high to move.
My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
there's nothing like the elf drinking game to get me in the christmas spirit.
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
Drank a fosters this weekend and last weekend. Listening to down under 5 times a day. Spent 100 dollars on a sleeveless men at work shirt circa 1983. We don't leave for another 5 weeks. I call it pregaming.
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
He set two of my ex boyfriends on fire at two different bars without anyone knowing it was him or how it happened either time. He might be a fucking super hero
I mean, they were small fires and no one got hurt, but still. Awesome.
Honestly it's a super power. I can try it a million different ways and nothing happens. Donnie casually says "ok this is now a toppless party" and it all kicks-off
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
I just left and he walked me out and went call me if you're ever... Eh... Whatever. And walked away.
Casey, if you want the continuing love of our mother, you're gonna need to stop drunk texting her from PCB.
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
Ok, there are marshmallows shaped like elephants
Randomize
