The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
Funny thing- my attraction to each one is inversely proportional to his level of availability.
We dont have to go to dinner or anything gay like that. I just wanna do it.
I absolutely love you.
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
He burst into tears while I was blowing him. NEVER giving a bj for a graduation present again.
I've never felt so inclined to grow a dick. THIS is what the gays in this town have done to me
Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
I will also take that commission in the form of weed. Pass that on to the asst. manager.
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
So never has there been a greater Valentine's Day gift than you actually putting a new roll of toilet paper on for me after using the old roll up! You didn't even use the new roll. You clearly put that on from a gentleman's standpoint vs. a selfish standpoint. I love you!!!!
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
I just twinged a muscle in my shoulder trying to hug myself. In the world of loneliness-based injuries, this is a new low for me.
There's a pregnant girl taking shots of apple juice
Randomize
