I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
Tell them you aren't trying to make money, you are just the mr rogers of weed,its such a good feeling a very good feeling the feeling you know that were friends
She licked EVERYTHING then yelled at me in Spanish. I just kept saying SI.
Whatever. I just smoked another bowl so I don't care and wow I just noticed how fast my thumb moves when I text. I'm amazing.
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
.As long as you're some how patriotic with your sexual escapades, I can support it.
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
I think its a little fucked up she invited you to her wedding, are you going?
There is a lot of acid in my drugs right now
....ill put you down as a no then
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
Randomize
