so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
She was so wet my fingers were literally pruney when I got done with her
I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
And you kept repeating "I didn't know know that this was a no blow job zone."
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
Just keep my face away from hard objects. And by that I do not mean erect penised.... those are totally fine. It's more just things like rocks, table edges, blunt objects, etc so I don't get another concussion.
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
because i know somewhere at some party, behind someones closed bed room door youre being feed a key full of mollie.
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
I think he has some internal "man stuff" that keeps getting in the way.
Like alcoholism and general douchbagary.
Randomize
