My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
do you think having her use a clorox disinfecting wipe on her vagina will keep me from getting her herpes if I don't have a condom?
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
Remind me never to take that much Vicodin ever again. I laid in bed measuring my heart rate for an hour and a half because I was afraid it would stop.
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
Omg. I wanna lecture the drug dealer about how highschool should not be his glory days.
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
You should just construct a mini-city, actually. Then destroy, photograph and post. Who could turn down a dick that conquered a whole city? Craigslist personals wont know what hit it.
Sarah is throwing up still and I'm eating salad with my fingers
no strings attached, like you could fuck him and then throw him off a building right after
And you were like wow I love water shots they taste so good
Just witnessed a man yell "gonna catch a slut!" at himself in the mirror while doing bicep curls at the gym.
I was...perplexed.
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
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