if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
You NEED to get fingered by a violinist. He used his left hand and make me cum, he's RIGHT handed.
She's good at three things and two of them involve dicks. And other one involves her love for arts
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
Be there soon... with munchies, blow jobs and shoulder rubs.
I think it's starting to become crucial that I find a companion for my vagina.
I just picked up a hitchhiker so karma will be on our side this weekend. Hahahahahaha
No.
you seriously don't remember..? but then again, you were taking shots by yourself for like 30mins
Current dream situation- Gordon Ramsey is my Uber driver and he's hauling around a backseat filled with chocolate covered açai berries. I'm good for eternity.
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
She's like a squirrel. She spazzes out all the time.
Randomize
