We got so high we made milksteak
i just got yelled at for having sex. this sorority thing is worst than being at home. at least at home they think im still a virgin
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
way to not show up for Habitat for Humanity, real classy...
I saved lives by not driving this morning
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
Im in the bathtub drunk. Less than an hour before the interview. This will be the best or worst career move ever., support?
He titled his birthday party on facebook, "BJ's in PJ's- an adult slumber party." I'm the only one invited.
He's not drinking on his 21st. Shooting vodka infused Nerf bullets at him would just make a mess and I don't want to be a creep and spike anything... I don't understand awkward boys
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
Casey, if you want the continuing love of our mother, you're gonna need to stop drunk texting her from PCB.
If he brings home bacon, dont let him leave. Dont screw this one up. this may be our last chance.
Randomize
