I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
True but, who really needs money in europe? Just barter with sexual favors. A bowl of cereal is worth a blowjob.
My goal for the night is to see your housemate's one lonely teste.
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
Now i know i wasnt that drunk... So why are there texts of me volunteering for a nude photo shoot for an art major student?
Who knew she had talents apart from chugging wine spritzers
What did you do with the dog when you went into the club?
coat checked
The kid with the ed hardy shirt put a bunch of random shit in the washer and turned it on. example: a hanger, the movie Chocolate with Johnny Depp, and your mom's cat
Randomize
