I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
The best was having to tell my 16y/o cuz and her bf that we could see him fingering her in the inner tube. Lucky for them, I'm the cool cousin... and was river-level fuckedup.
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
Worst part of blacking out... Waking up and having to do the teeth check
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
He handcuffed himself to the keg... D is hooking up with him anyway.
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
we're having rib night followed by a cultural enlightenment party
whats a cultural enlightenment party
we eat nachos and drink margaritas and tequila till we pass out
You went into my bathroom put on my bathrobe.. Said excuse me then went in my front yard and started yelling who ate my whopper..
we started drinking at 4pm, somehows its 1 am im in bathing suit running from the cops.....any explanation of what happened?
Randomize