My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
I'm never telling my kids not to take ecstasy, never. Idk what my mom was thinking.
Is all white too much for court to prove my innocents?
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
he went at my nipples like a starved dog.
I know. It's cray. Crayon. Crayolaaaaa.
Well I talked to some Canadians today, and I'm keeping a vigilant watch for sharks, so I'm pretty booked up.
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
I'm not saying I'm planning to hook up tomorrow but I'm also not saying I'm unprepared for it
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
Randomize
