im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
I'm home alone watching The Hills seasons, eating pickles and drinking straight rye. I just googled "how to make friends". Probably not the most pro-active solution. Help.
i think the sales of Rosetta Stone are directly related to the size of that woman's tit's
margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
Pretty sure even her dog was surprised when I got that blow job.
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
He wanted me naked, so I got naked. You can't hold that against me.
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
Randomize
