my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
HELP! I am trapped in a douchebag ad... full of Affliction and Ed Hardy. Seriously? is he gonna leave his sunglasses on the entire 10 seconds of this encounter?
i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
im sorry but my first introduction to your dick isn't going to be a pic sent from the men's room
There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.
all i remember is being at the diner with her at 3am and her storming into the kitchen to make sure the chef gave me regular fries instead of home fries.
She grabbed both of our dicks in the pool then said repeatedly, "this is my dream, this is my dream,"
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO BLAST VANESSA CARLTON IN YOUR CAR AT MIDNIGHT TO FEEL AGAIN. IDK.
of fours songebofy did dknt stop believing
how legible are my texts
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
Randomize
