I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
it's 8 a.m. and there are people having sex at the foot of the strangers bed i'm in. the guy just asked the girl how she lost her baby weight so fast.
yep. it's official. for $40 they will let you lick the stripper pole.
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
We smoked speed and opium for the first time. ended up harvesting cucumbers with locals at 9am in a farmers field. Laos is fuckin crazy.
hotboxing with the ex-bf's two most recent hookups. they just realized they're eskimo sisters with his best friend. this is what happens when I come home for Christmas.
Yo, go checkout Kerri's Instagram quick! There's like 12 pics of her fucking some guy in a bar's bathroom. GO GO GO GO!!!!
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
all im saying is 27 is too old to still be drinking 40s, you make more money than me, buy some decent shit
screw you you golddigging beer snob
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
Randomize
