I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
I thought pig tail meant you were suppose to grab on to it when getting BJ
You held your own hair and threw up into a red cup...I think they were more amazed than upset.
I'm sad your dog died... Her name is my stripper name.
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
I saw your dick pic and thought there goes the last thread of my heterosexuality.
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
Is it appropriate to be taking shots at 11 on sunday?
Absolutely same thing as church only different
The only thing I remember about us having sex is yelling at him to choke me.
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