Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby
What the fuck were you doing at wal mart?
She came home wasted 'not wantin to talk about it' so for revenge I woke her up with a dutch oven and she puked all over me and the bed. I can't win.
Dude I told you 22 year olds shouldn't get married
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
the protein jug says add 2 scoops to your favorite beverage. guess who just found a way to make sam adams healthy? THIS GUY
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
Doing lines and watching a show on hot dogs around the world ... Why do I do this to myself
according to last night, I underestimated the size of my mouth and the possibilities of what can fit into it.
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
he was really really nice, and I did coke off of his dong that night too
Randomize
