i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
just got passed by a van of kids watching the little mermaid. debating speeding so i can watch
Didn't u have court just yesterday for ur driving?
IT'S THE LITTLE MERMAID! totally worth another year of probation
she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
But the guy you're fucking should not be within ten pounds of your weight when you're five fucking feet tall and he's 6'2". That's all I'm saying.
Most people would probably take his lack of responses as a queue to stop. But nope, not me. I just keep going. And that's why I don't have a bf, just a little weinered friend
I think I'm going to give him a welcome back to single life blow job
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
He's a Republican and an Ohio State fan idk how far this can go.
Idk. The bad part of me thinks it's a good idea. The bad part is also the stupid part.
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
Your boobs are like a folk legend.
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
Randomize
