last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
You just kept walking around in a circle saying "well played 6th street well played" before falling over.
OH MY GOD THE LITTLE GIRL IS SITTING WITH US WHILE WE SMOKE. I'M NOT DOING THIS
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
Explain to me how we're not being documented on? A gynecologist I saw two times 8 years ago popped up on my people you may know list on fb. What in the actual fuck?
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
We have been dating for 5 months. I'm friends with his sister. Yet my number in his phone is still saved as "hot bartender"
I actually talked to his parents last night about it. haha. I had a bottle of smirnoff in my hand, I'm sure they took me serious.
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