he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
Found my new morning breakfast spot. Hospital cafeteria. Nobody asks questions, they just assume shit went downnn
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
she's fucked both of my roommates but not me. i feel like I'm not part of the group anymore
I know I'm going to throw up tonight it's just a matter of when and where
Yeah i like want to be friends with him. And if we have sex in the physics library well thats fine with me
So you're at your daughter's volleyball game looking at dicks online? That's amazing.
No, I was picking her up from volleyball and sitting in my car looking at dicks.
Just to clear things up, yes you did lick the strippers butt
I know you would never do it--but if I ever walk into your house and find a "live love laugh" ANYTHING, I will commit you to an asylum. If it is a vinyl decal adhered to the wall, I will just smother you myself.
Randomize
