girl in front of me in lecture is looking up on ask.com about chlamydia.
i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
He graduated with honors. I've seen him kneeboard on dry ground and run a razor scooter into a wall...anyone can graduate with honors
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
I've been sleeping with the same person for about two months now, I think I know a little bit about stability and commitment.
So will your sis find it a compliment if I tell her I lost out on some awesome dick to go to her bday dinner???
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
We free pour in this house. Measuring alcohol is for the weak
Nothing wrong with a little cat scratch fever. You have toys?
A few, plus a dildo molded from a porn star that I've always been too intimidated of to actually use, but it's the apocalypse, and momma didn't raise no quitter.
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