nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
That's cool how's he been?
He got hit in the face with a beer bottle so he has two black eyes and 13 stitches.. He hasnt changed much.
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
Her mom is home on her lunch break. Guess who's hiding In the Closet?
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
No just sleep deprived. James woke me up at 7 and forced me to eat a hot pocket with him cause he " didn't want me to die".
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
I'm currently drunk proofing my room
I woke up on the hammock spooning a box of Cheese Itz.
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
You have such a talent for this
Friendship, or finding weed?
Yes
Randomize
