so thats when we found her crawling hands and knees up first street singing hold me closer tony danza as loud as she could
did she say where she was going
apparently she thought she was on morton hill and was trying to go back to the bars
New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
i wish i could, but i promised myself i wouldn't sleep with anyone who couldn't grow a beard for a while. it's not you, it's crosby.
Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
Well there's nothing more unattractive them a naked, soft man crying
Oh good your over him
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
With your fertility you would just get contact pregnant
Apparently I'm ahead in the foot race to his dick because I'm not insane. If I'd have known that's all it took, I'd have worn sweat pants more often.
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
Not only did I sleep with the guy but I think I may have called my work and quit to go work for him.
Randomize
