She's a black belt cougar in the 6th degree.
before i could say "i'm not that kind of girl", i was.
He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
I knew no one else would have gone along with it since it's morally wrong and probably illegal. You said, "Yes. And let's add fireworks."
Why does my nose taste spicy?
How do you know what your nose tastes like?
It's official! Naked girl is back and making stir fry. Still not sure she realizes we can see her whole apartment from our balcony. Cheap beer and a show.
Randomize
