We need to either start getting drunk more often or one of us need to start doin drugs
Wtf? Why?
I want awesome conversations to show the world.
So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
It took me fifteen minutes to go from puking on my doorstep infront of my old lady neighbor to legit presentable person able to care for children. Bronzing powder and I deserve an award.
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
Pssh I just bang a girl in a single person tent. Thats like the back seat of a sedan.
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
BTW, does Anne know that we used the lipstick she is currently wearing to was used to write the word "ASS" on my ass cheeks last night?
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
Randomize
