So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
how can i incorporate a boy scout uniform into what i do tonight?
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
Wednesday. Otherwise known, to you at least, as "there are two gay men in my bed" day.
Stripperoke is exactly what it sounds...
Today's forecast: A sex tornado warning has been issued in your area. Counties affected include your bed, your shower, or your couch. This warning is in effect until further notice. Signs of a sex tornado include: your girlfriend coming up with a huge analogy to inform you that she's ungodly horny today.
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
Try to make ecstasy cheese. Capitalize on the molly and greek yogurt trends. MARKETING
I'm hungover from arbor mist I'm so white
if you guys find pieces of my teeth don't throw them out please
Randomize
