Where did you get a picture of my penis
You know, I didn't realize this at the time, but it appears that I am being "heavily petted" by 3 grown men in that pic.
If these were biblical times then you'd be a Roman Senator.
Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
I have a great idea. you just need to get pregnant.
Mother, no, i will not talk about this again. Please stop planning my unborn daughters life. I will not put her in pagents. That is trashy. Stop watching toddlers in tiaras. It is also trashy. I love you.
I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.
Also I just had a flash back ... He told me I have nice nipples and then asked me about yours..
I don't see how you can turn down creme brulee and orgasms
Why would you trust me with ANYTHING!!!???
He just ate a tooth whitening strip...
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
I tried making my own red bull with crushed up caffeine pills, bubbley water and flintstones chewable vitamins. The ER doctor sead I'm lucky to be alive.
Randomize
