my dad came in to wish me a happy birthday and found me passed out in my underwear with the lights on and a plate of meat on the bed. i bet he was proud to have contributed to my creation in that moment.
she smelled like a LAN party
Definitely saw about 20 people at my final that were never present before. It's like seeing who's gonna be serving me fries in 4 years.
I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
I figure hes like disneyworld. You know youre only going once or twice in life. Might as well have fun and ride the rides
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
Getting sick, pulled the filter off a camel crush and rolled it into my joint to clear my sinuses. If there were stoner awards, I'd receive one.
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
Randomize
