Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
She's been drinking and was roller blading. I'm sure you can do the math
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
IDK who she called, but some guy came into the party, flying drop kicked Joe said never again. She has to invite him around again.
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.
Either that or he's gagged in a strangers trunk right now.
Well I suppose either way he's learning a pretty tough lesson right now.
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
New one isn't as good asmy ex. She won't put her tongue up my butt
Peter this is your "ex"
I stand by what i said
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
Randomize
