idk hes just been lookin at me weird all night
he probably just wants to cut your skin off and wear you like a body suit
we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
Playing the biology drinking game in my 8am. Drink everytime he says species or organism. I love st. Patricks day
Dude. My sister is off limits. Touch her again and I'll rip off your dick and force feed it to you.
I accept this challenge.
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
WHY IS THERE NO EMOJI FOR "FUCK MY MOM JUST SAW MY SEX BRUISES?!"
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
Trust me, I'm a professional lesbian.
Did you know that chef boy-ar-dee was a real person? I watched a show about him. the history of the ravioli is more scandalous than you would think.
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
Randomize
