sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
Took an aderol, wrote a differential equation for solving volume of flow of a rectangular channel with change in depth, then masturbated for the 6th time.
I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
my dad has now seen 6 different dudes grab my ass. i guess i should start a list.
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
Dude, you kicked in the door to get to a six-person orgy while yelling "I JUST WANT TO LEARN!!"
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
My boss asked me to pass over one of my business cards and instead I had condoms fall out of my wallet, how’s your day going??
just realized I'll be in a check out line with just Hershey syrup and condoms. I don't know if I am setting a good image for our generation
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