this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.
Everyone is in jail. I'll see what i can do though
You know what is really helpful - when the two guys you want to fuck stand next to each other. Stay tuned for who wins
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
He looks like he has a penis
What the fuck
A good one, a good penis
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
I don't know at which point last night turned terribly, terribly wrong, but it was somewhere around Motel 6, specifically the parking lot.
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
He showed up completely drunk with a 30 of PBR and ten cans of Spam. I like this kid.
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
Randomize
