I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
too bad they don't have a 'people you may be able to do' thing on facebook. it would save me a lot of fucking time.
To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
its no coincidence her full name and "cling" are the same in t9
Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
Found a cheerleading trophy in my shower this morning. Explain.
You SHOULD feel empty, we were at the top of our game, and by that i mean snorting things we don't understand and only a few steps away from adultery.
You should kill a bro for me and drag his carcass home so I can study him.
From what I heard you ordered him to lick your balls. Unless you've kept a huge secret I understand his confusion.
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
Randomize
