The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
Her thighs are so strong. I thought my head was gonna get crushed when I was eating her out
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
Hahaha it was a great moment in my life. This must be what post child birth feels like, given you don't get a combined asshole/ vagina
My class coordinator for bio told us that the only thing we should do the night before an exam is to get laid. And then party down after the exam. I like him.
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
Wtf happened last night
You traded your bra for a shot so I'd say you probably don't wanna know
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
Liz Cheney wasn’t exactly on my list of women I expected to be saying “YAS QUEEN” for in 2021 but here we are
Randomize
