What would you say if someone told you they liked your lips?
Which ones?
There is no way to make a throwing up smiley so just picture it....
There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
im in his phone as 'great ass to tap'
i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
Nice classy night out before we roll our faces off
The heart wants what the heart wants, and once again it’s a guy with brown hair, wears a chain, and has a nicotine addiction.
Randomize
