He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
sometimes i look at this picture of your cock before i go to sleep, there's something comforting about it
Wow, So this kid just walked into class, yak'd on his lab partner then runs out. Class is now cancelled. I gotta find this kid and Thank him.
My ATM looks so different sober.
Its like a relationship where they cockblock each other.
I feel like wearing underwear would just be poor planning
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
Dude. Yeah. This is a game changer. I feel dirty and possibly pregnant and it hasn't happened yet.
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
Randomize
