I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
sometimes i look at this picture of your cock before i go to sleep, there's something comforting about it
All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
Quite frankly, I consider the fact that I'm NOT pregnant one of my greatest achievements and I'd like to chronicle that ongoing success. I'm going to post pictures of me at "0 weeks" once a week.
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
I may or may not go. send a pic of a nipple so I know how much fun you're having
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
You're up at 3AM, right? I have a very important question.
You know the Wendy's on route 6, by Kohls? Do you know if it has a drive through?
Yes it does.
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
Randomize
