I can't believe he cheated
Whatever. Anytime she has an orgasm, it's because I taught him how
You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
And then she said we stopped for a train and i tried crawling out the back window.. again, i dont remember this.
you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
i was just skypeing her and i saw the vagisil medicated wipes in the corner of her room. i'll be breaking this off tomorrow
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
MY GOD WHY DIDN'T I TAKE PHOTOS OF HIS CREDIT CARDS WHILE HE WAS SLEEPING
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
Um..... I have taste. The only thing I am going to bedazzle is my vagina.
Randomize
