Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
Home, forcing the cats to make out. Someone should get some.
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
no one could get around him on the stairs cause he surrounded himself with all the empties he could find, he said he was building a fort. then he passed out on them.
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
I was ashamed to still be in my green tank this morning, but there's a guy here in full on bright green pants and a green blazer. He looks like the lucky charms guy stretched out at drunker than usual. Now, I fade into the background.
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
it'll be like the notebook except for with way more of my penis
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
Randomize