if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
We just picked up about 540 lbs of women....
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
I guess, all I remember was giving you road head the whole way there so you wouldn't fall asleep.
Next time you see his dad you should let him know you are now Eskimo brothers.
My mom said she saw you at the grocery store. Said you looked like you were "headed for a Lindsay Lohan quarter life crisis of sorts"
I say I'm working from home on conference call days, but really I just mute the phone, put that shit on speaker so I can hear what's going on, and let Marcus fuck my brains out.
not that i'm not about exploiting men for money
He's throwing Skittles into my cleavage and some are rebounding into my crouch.
Well he's scoring either way then.
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
Can you get an STD by sharing underwear? Walk of shamed home and realized I was wearing someone else’s panties
No one knows. This doesn’t happen to normal people.
Randomize
