yeah that pretty much nipped itself in the bud when I realized i could see her whiteheads glowing in the blacklight
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
I command you to take a shot and dance like the pretty little gay boy you are.
on a brighter note, the cop thought i could kick adams ass if it came down to that and said he had $20 on me if it ever happens
Did u smell a guys dreadlocks in the McDonald's drive thru line last night or did I dream that?
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
decided to jump from one of the levels of the Westin chicago Nortghwest. it was worth the broken legs.
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
i don't like interrupting booty calls. thats just rude.
Randomize
