He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
You say "I'm in class" like it matters... I'm getting a little tired of having to smoke by myself at 4:20 because you're in class.
i'm sober ask me anything about the civil war
i'm just sitting here going through her tagged pics, covering up different parts of her face to try and figure out exactly what it is that makes her so ugly.
spotted: something called the tunnel of opression. i feel like if we patricipated we wouldnt even be phased or we could run it better than them
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
We all make mistakes. Just lock them up deep down inside your mind so they can surface as weird sexual fantasies it takes your therapist years to decipher when your 40
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
Yeah, you gave me a condom that I 100% coulda used, then an hour later you basically beat the shit out of me and physically took it from my pocket.
HOLY SHIT. I JUST FOUND OUT THAT THE KARL/RORY BASEBALL FIGHT THAT RORY LOST WAS 2 YEARS AGO TODAY. RIP KARL'S DICK.
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
Randomize
