thus making me awesome and them whores
and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
on a scale of 1-10how much freaking out is acceptable if you just found a (possibly used) cock ring in the head board that your parents gave you?
not good my parents heard a big thud and found me passed out in the bathrrom abt an hr ago. hit my head arm and side. dont remember. real talk.
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
I think I will be cutting those pills in half...Jesus just tried to sell me a toothbrush.
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
Why is everyone giving me a hard time for drinking?!
Your in the library.
Randomize
