Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
I'm going to skip that pointless convo with Mark, stick with the "we're talking" status, and bone barely legal, borderline gay, preppy guys on the DL.
You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?
Her thighs are so strong. I thought my head was gonna get crushed when I was eating her out
they're both coked to the gills having a shouting match about the powers and abilities of godzilla. and using the wikipedia entry on the topic to support their respective arguments.
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
How do I respond to this?! It's not easy to say "you're hot & the sex was good, but outside the bedroom you scare me"
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
I feel like a sex bomb and I need to go explode on somebody
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
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