OMG. Drunk.
I'm so glad you fill me in on these things.
Sorry. Must've been trying to twitter.
how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
he matches the description of mystery hookup #2, 4, and 7
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
We need more drag queens in our life I've decided
my question is who was more confortable? You sleeping on the floor or me tweeting from a bush?
That moment half way through a run when you realize you have to take a giant shit. I was racing against my bowels that last mile. Now my sweat is suctioning my ass to this toilet seat. Enjoy that NSA.
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
In other news, I just sent her a video of me masturbating while driving in the rain, so I guess you could say I've mastered Snapchat
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
Randomize
