I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
he spent an hour trying to convince us that Ted Nugent is Kid Rock from the future. by the end of it i was very close to believing him.
I'll be really easy to find... I'm the naked one rolling around in cats.
I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
From time to time I think I'm happy for a second and then I remember how a guy stopped me from giving him head on my birthday weekend.
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
Randomize
