East Village: Only place you can play pac man while eating a pineapple hotdog, go to the bar next door and see a graphic blowjob on every tv
I remember having a drink with vegetables in it. They said it was a mojito, but it tasted like cabbage.
haha i love mojitos
ya and i hate cabbage
Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
Your dad needs a mid life crisis affair thing, I could totally be that girl.
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
I got drunken sympathy for the whales' plight last night and signed up to give $50 monthly to Greenpeace. Calling to cancel was worse than the hangover.
Hear that? That's the wail of a dying whale. Murderer.
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
Randomize
