did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
we've started having sober sex
you really do like him
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
He wants a "vagina fling" before he commits to dick for life. I'm gonna allow it.
I did, I'm just saying. Once the drinking starts my nipples are no longer my control.
I'm having flashbacks from last night. Did I admit to pausing Whitney's funeral because I was watching porn? I believe I did.
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
How many stacks you been grindin gangsta?
omg mom no
It's so blood brotha crip what be good
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
Randomize
