I really don't want to move...I'm having a motivation problem.
kev is about to show us pictures of the tranny he accidentally fucked last night.
I'll be there in 10
he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
hey, haven't seen your testicles in a while...you 3 still alive?
Out of beer. Salsa pong. Never again.
She looks like a junkie muppet...awful
Was this before or after he told that homeless man outside the bar about his past sexual experiences?
I am listening to lecture and I can hear us in the background talking about anal beads.
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
You randomly sent me a black Santa Claus emoji at 2am. I think alcohol was involved.
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
Randomize
