I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
Update: day 5 and Scott has not left the apartment. Still smoking. Pizza roll supply dwindling.
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
I had sex on a seadoo on the middle of the lake lastnight
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
Do you think Ashley had her twin sister tag in for our date? The sex was different and I think a mole was missing
Randomize
