im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
she came to the game with a camelback filled with booze. except it was only the bag part so she duct taped to her back
apparently he was unaware pussies come in unshaved form. curse you redtube and your unholy lies
This show inspires me to have sex in space
I understand where he's coming from but I don't want this alcohol to revolve around relationship
Wait
The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys.
I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
It's 4/20. I'm not too worried about "healthy"
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
I still have to bake cookies and shave my legs so Mike can have MILF & cookies when he gets home.
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
Randomize
