I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between.
You need to find a taint.
I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
Who spends 33 dollars at Taco Bell and lives???
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
I told you, I don't give a SHIT about their music. I JUST. WANT. TO FUCK. THE BASSIST.
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
Well, at some point in her life every girl has to decide how much weird she's willing to tolerate for hot tall banker cock
So my family just woke up on Easter morning and shared a bowl. That's bonding😊
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
Randomize
