Theyr drawing diagrams to try to explain to me how high they are
I just decorated my birth control case with Lisa Frank stickers. If that doesn't scream 'I'm not ready for babies' I don't know what does.
he yelled at me for calling the fat girl fat. if I can't call out fat girls to my brother who do i have?
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
I feel like I shouldn't be encouraging my friends to hook up with their teachers.....but if it's for academic reasons....then I definitely encourage it.
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
So I wore my ankle step-counter exercise thingy while I rode him. Don't fuck him- I only burned .2 pounds.
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
i was ready to conquer the fucking world. i would have fought vin deisel to the death without hesitation
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