if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
My guy issues hinge on tonight's game. Caps win, it's Dustin. Rangers win, Josh. I even flipped a coin to see who got what team
HE WAS CUMMING IN THAT DICK PIC
well we started off by chasing vodka with chocolate milk and ended up trying to befriend a crippled raccoon so that should tell you how our night went
I'm having to shit out rocks
is it weird that i just witnessed the marriage of someone ive had sex with on multiple occasions?
I have to touch the horse lube. :-(
Randomize
