community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
Have fun at school today. Try to hide that you're a whore. The other girls will like you better that way.
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
I cNt phones. tingles in my fingles. jingles
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
So you thought it was a good idea to make plans for the same time same place with the guy you were sort of dating AND his best friend you slept with?
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
Randomize
