you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
Yes perhaps we are both wrong. And did you call me bj girl?
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
I threw away my jacket instead of washing it, the jungle juice stained me more of shame than red food coloring... i have never been that white girl wasted before...
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
You're the only person I know who would go to New Jersey to give a blowjob and I have so much respect for you for it
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
Watching a guy pay his tab with a check. Jesus dude...
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
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