i was like. eff you dude i'm 100% american. i went to a high school prom and i like springstein songs and i take rides in chevrolets.
she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
That adds atleast one bjs worth of awkward sexual tension between us.
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
I don't think everyone found it as funny as I did... Nothing says "Party's Over" like the sound of a pump action shotgun.
I just want to know who nailed the chicken nugget to the door.
I remember seeing his penis I just dont know exactly what I did with it
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
Come get me...at gazebo by side entrance....im passed out in a bush...this is a Bar A bouncer texting for your buddy
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
I need to find a divorced guy with a boat and let my tits do the talking
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