I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
Sometimes familiar penis is best. Its like comfort food for your vagina.
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
I was Jaeger weird. I was rolling on the floor pretending to be an Olympic gymnast and my name was Gina
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
I told him to not try to hang out with me ever again and now I regret it Bc im bleeding through my uterus and just want him to suck on my aching nipples
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
I am cleaning melted cheese out of my hair. This is a new experience for me
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
Randomize
