I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
So all semester this guy and girl have been talking, and today is the last class and we are doing nothing. I would have skipped but I want to see if he seals the deal or pusses out. It's like a season finale.
he said that he wanted to outsmoke the rain, I don't know what that means but I'm gonna go help him
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
You partied and then got cock slapped, Don't tell me you didn't have fun
lets go to sea world and you can just hit on every guy in a wetsuit until you get lucky
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
THREE MINUTES! THREE MINUTES PAST MIDNIGHT I STSRT HEARING CHRISTMAS MUSIC ON THE OVERHEAD PA SYSTEM!!!
Randomize
