All I did today at work was try to remember in vivid detail what your cock looks like.
I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
can a guy be partially circumsized? cause i dont exactly know what i was lookng at...
She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
After he finished he sang his college fight song like it was some victory
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
Randomize
