just to let you know I saw you texting some Kim chick, and facebook saying she's ugly... good job you're gay now
I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
I just saw a woman point to her daughter and scream at her husband THIS IS YOUR GENES, THIS IS YOU.
Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
heading to class now, facing the weekend consquences
I think I am the only girl in the world who would be proud of these scars from rug burn.
No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
she played "i just wanna get married" by jagged edge while we were having sex. why cant i avoid stage 5 clingers
His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
you said, 'he held out his hand, that means we don't have to pay' about the taxi driver, and then asked the doorman what happened to your pants...
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
NO. NONE OF THAT. SHAME ON YOU.
I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no
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