I have decided that a Nickelback cover band would be the pinnacle of loserdom.
all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
Either I'm losing my touch or ED is running rampant in 20 something men now
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
Reports of my death were greatly exaggerated.
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
I really prefer to do my walks of shame in the summer
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
I was just seen throwin up on the bookstore building near a trashcan by parents. Naturally I throw a thumbs up and say go college
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