Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
drunk making out is the fucking beeeest. specially when it's your exboyfriend
I wonder if you'll be as excited about this as you are now tomorrow morning.
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
as he was bent over the toilet, he turned to me and said "barbarian kyle is much stronger than regular kyle" and then went right back to puking.
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
That hot guy just got to class and he's eating a bagel sandwich. I dunno which I'm more attracted to
Apparently, acid is a good substitute for cash if you don't have any! Who knew?
also I saw his dick in the morning light and it was glorious. Like staring upon your birthday cake you ordered from heaven and going " can't wait to eat that later"
Also I’m on 3%. Just Incase.. I miss you and I love you and you’re my everything and I’m getting drunk.
Randomize
