my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck.
Making a drinking game out of jeopardy does not mean you studied..
Second night back. Go to house party and played ring of fire. Me plus five other people completely naked. College wins.. It's going to be a long semester
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
My only regret is that we didn't pee on our neighbors Prius
Why would you hook up with someone whos known for peeibg in someones mouth
High gym went like this: I went to Dairy Queen instead.
The bar tenders gave me the number for a "taxi"... It's just a dude with a van. In retrospect, pretty sketchy. Robert was cool though.
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
Randomize
