John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
No it was the best sex I've had in months. Nothing turns me on more than getting rid of a boyfriend.
I got Pilsbury cinnamon rolls for us to have tomorrow, but I don't have the willpower to leave them in my fridge overnight, so I am eating them all and getting us more in the morning
I love you more by the minute
You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
Peanut butter fills the cracks of my heart
ted dressed as a cardinal led an expedition across campus. i felt like one of the 12 apostles.
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
I ate her out in the bathroom and she did my makeup. Man i love being a lesbian
You threw up with such class too! Tiara and all.
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
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