just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
i want tt clbm rinabw nd ride uncrn
what?
i wnt tto climb a rainboww and ride a unicornnnnnnnnn
she was a 2....and a legitimate 2. like, helen keller is a 1, this girl...2.
Oh. Thats cool. Im not dating anyone right now. Sean gave me chlamydia from some GUY he fooled around with. Im being abstinent.
see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
When they saw it was the 7th inning of the baseball game one took off running for the beer stand while his friend is yelling "BUY THE KEG"!
i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
Sorry for locking you out after accusing you of eating my Skittles... I realized I was mistaken after just throwing up the rainbow.
After this weekend, it looks come this holiday season I'll be walking in a winter abortionland.
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
she has like 12 pairs of underwear people left at her house from the other night
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
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