So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
Brickbreaker makes my post drinking poops that much better. Sorry, I had to tell someone who might agree.
Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
I will probably be peed on at some point today.
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
His response today determines what state my vagina will be in this weekend.
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
So you let the Viking explore your nether regions?
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
Randomize
